Naruto Declassified
by RIRAITOxRAITO
Summary: School Survival Guide. Well...Naruto's version anyways. Come join the blond and friends, taking note of their suggested Tips and surviving Jr. High
1. Chapter 1

Yes, another Naruto fanfiction. And yeah, another school one while I'm at it. I know, I know: 'When the hell are you updating **Speak **and **Scammed**? The sequel to **Black Heart**? And what about **Predicament**?'

All in due time...just at a really slow rate. That and it seems I can't to stick to one story and finish it.

**Note: **This story is based on Nick's TV Show, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide. That and it's going to take place in America, since, well, I'm obviously familiar with the school rules and what not. Also, the **camera **is **you** the **readers**. Only Naruto, Ino, Shika, and Kiba will 'talk' to the camera, showing their view. Mostly Naruto though. M'okay?

**Disclaimers:** Nope. Don't own 'em.

**----6----**

**Naruto's Declassified**

_School Survival Guide_

_----_**6----**

_Hi all! If you're reading this notebook of mine's then it's a sure bet that you're having some trouble at school. That or you're just curious what the Guide says. Or enjoying your school years to the fullest, like me! Either way, this notebook's here to help and inform about surviving school. Be it Middle School or High School. Let's hope it works out for the best, eh? Since what's written here had come from true experiences either from me or from my best buddies, after all._

_Anyways, best of luck to you!_

_--Naruto Uzumaki, owner of this notebook_

----**6**----

The sun was merrily shining with birds chirping gaily from their perched tree. Puffy white clouds rolled along the pretty blue sky with no purpose. Students milled about the school's front courtyard, intermingling with each other. Girls together giggling and pointing as boys snicker and make teasing remarks. Ah, it was a perfect day for the first day of school...

No, no, that wasn't true. Anything _but_ that.

It wasn't sunny. Oh no, it wasn't. It was cloudy and no birds were chirping either. This wasn't the sub-**rural** city where everyone knew each other. It was the sub**urban**. The birds here are pigeons, sparrows, crows, and in the summer, seagulls. Not the pretty ones you would see on television like the robins or blue jays. And as for the students, the girls weren't really crowded together pointing and giggling. Rather they were off in their own separate groups. Same can be said for the boys.

So, simply said, this was the first day of high school on September first. Weather: Cloudy. Freshman Orientation was yesterday, so everyone had a vague idea of where their classes are. A very vague idea.

Which explains why most of the students appeared to be mystified as to where their Homeroom was located, trudging into the building rather slowly.

----

**Tip #107:** Know where the important rooms are located. i.e. Infirmary, Bathroom, Security/Officers Room (to avoid them) and empty classrooms when you need it.

----

"Okay, so the Infirmary's down that way with the Security Room a little bit farther down," Naruto repeated as he pointed to the general direction, back towards the camera. "And the bathrooms are over here before entering the Cafeteria..." Slowly turning around, the fifteen-year-old blond was startled for a moment, and then grinned at the camera, waving. "Hi all! Name's Naruto Uzumaki! Welcome to the first day of school!"

Then, after his greeting, the blond was shoved out of the camera's view, taking a forced exit to the left as Kiba popped in. "Yo! I'm fox-face's best friend, Kiba Inuzuka!"

"Move outta the way, Kiba! It's my turn to shine!" Ino bumped the brunette out of the camera's view, piling him onto a muttering tanned boy. "I'm Naruto's other best friend, Ino Yamanaka at your service!" As she said this she dragged in a pony-tailed brunette who heaved a sigh. "C'mon, introduce yourself!"

"Shikamaru Nara. Naruto's other other best friend."

Struggling a bit to stand up right after pushing Kiba off, Naruto stood beside the female blonde as Shikamaru shied away to sit in a nearby chair. "Now that the introductions are outta the way---"

"Oh my gosh! It's Sasuke!" Ino squealed, pointing to the right as her cheeks took on a pinkish hue. Whipping around to face Naruto, she hurriedly asked, "How do I look?"

"Fine as always, Ino." Cheery blue eyes rolled in exasperation.

"Geez, that bastard's here, too?" Kiba muttered as he rubbed his back with a faint frown, "To think that he'd go to an Academy or Private Schools of sorts—not a Public one what with him being stinkin' rich."

"And that bastard, my friends," Naruto sighed after a glance, spotting his crush amongst the crowd of fangirls, moved the camera in the direction Ino disappeared off to and the lens focused the targeted being, "is Sasuke Uchiha, the King of all Jerks."

As if the pale-faced teen had heard him loud and clear, Sasuke shot the camera and the blond boy an icy cold glare.

"Ice Princess," Naruto and Kiba muttered in unison with a scowl.

"Well, well, well, look what we have here." Zaku approached the sunshine blond from behind, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder. The camera zoomed for a close-up and returned to normal viewing.

"Z-Zaku!" Naruto went wide-eyed. Glancing over to his male friends, he whined realizing they had high-tailed and left him behind. Ino, on the other hand, was still ogling over Sasuke. "Guys!" Shifting his pair of sapphire orbs over to the camera, he said nervously, "Well, uh, let's put that Tip into use, eh?"

"What 'tip', loser?"

"This one!" With that said, the petit blond sprinted off, zipping by the horde of fangirls, missing a raised eyebrow by a certain individual. Zaku, Dosu and Kin chased after Naruto, who was zigzagging around the hallway like a maniac.

Running around for a while, Naruto lost the three after he had quickly dashed into the bathroom, doubling over to catch his breathe. Once he was able to calm his racing heart, a grin broke out on his tanned features.

"Very useful Tip, that one," Naruto nodded in agreement with himself.

"What, running around like a complete idiot?"

----

**Tip #23:** Keep your friends close and enemies even closer...it pisses them off.

----

"Eh? Who's in here?" Our main character looked around at the otherwise empty bathroom with a confused expression.

"Wipe that stupid look off your face or else you'll really be stupid," was the remark as none other than Sasuke appeared from behind the last stall, "Oh, wait that's right, you're already stupid. Never mind."

"Bastard! What are you doing in here, anyways? Running away from your fan girls?" Naruto teased after making sure the coast was clear.

"I should ask you the same thing."

Flipping the other a bird, the blond smiled sweetly that was directed at Sasuke when he took a step out of the washroom, taking in a deep breath.

Onyx eyes widen, realizing what the moron was planning to do. He took a step forward in hopes of silencing him. "Shit, shut up!" He hissed as he jerked the other in after grabbing his arm.

"HEY, GIRLS! SASUKE'S OVER HERE!" The Uchiha slapped his hand over the blond's mouth and dragged him into an empty stall, standing on the toilet after putting the lid down.

Tiled floor trembled under the weight of massive hordes of girls stampeding down the hall, squealing the Uchiha's name excitedly and the frequent question of "Where is he? Did you see him? Maybe he's over there? Oh my gosh, did you see what he wore today?"

"What do you think you're doing, moron?" Sasuke hissed, nose-to-nose with the other, disregarding how close they were in the small stall.

"I don't know. You tell me since I'm the stupid one." Naruto retorted, inching his face closer.

The raven-haired teen narrowed his eyes. It appeared as if he wasn't expecting a smart remark from the other teen.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to see my friends, bastard." Then, he added as if Sasuke was a slow child, "You _do_ know what a 'friend' is, don't yo---"

Naruto was stopped short when the Uchiha shoved his hand to the blond's face, black orbs flashing dangerously. Annoyed, the blond youth lightly bit the offending limb, released it and hopped off the toilet, slamming open the door's stall in the process.

"See you, bastard!" With a cheeky grin the energetic blond hurried off.

The camera was now viewing a pissed off Sasuke as he washed his hand, ridding of the other's mark on him.

"Stupid idiot..."

----**6----**

"You see, that last Tip--number 23--was specially made for that bastard," Naruto stated rather smugly with the camera before him as he walked down the hallway with milling students, "or anyone else like him for that matter. So put it to good use and savor the expression." He then blinked at the camera as if it had asked him a question with an obvious answer to. "Well, of course I know said Tips weren't in chronological order! I'm using them as I see fit in certain situation. I'm not that stupid as some people make me out to be, y'know." The sunshine blond huffed as he crossed his arms, continuing to stare at the camera. "Anyways, I'll see you guys. Gotta see if my friends got the same sched as me. Later!" With that he waved and hurried down another hallway where Shikamaru, Kiba and Ino waited around for the blond beside a row of lockers.

**----6----**

Some Tips are quotes, some are made-up, and others are from the show if I remember to write them down. Anyhow, any type of review will be appreciated. If you flame, at least give me a reason why and don't just say 'because I don't like the show.' That's like a toddler's response right there.

**Should I keep going?**


	2. Chapter 2

And I keep on going. :) (even after almost a year's lack of update...--coughcoughcough--)

Sankyuu for the reviews! –heart—

**Note:** Since it's going to be awkward for me (and probably you), instead of using Mr. and Missus as titles, I'll just stick with '-sensei,' m'kay? Plus I'm use to it anyways. :D

Be sure to read to the Comment at the end of the chapter.

**Remember:** **Camera** equals **you** the **reader**.

**Disclaimers:** Think I own 'em? Hell no.

**----6----**

**Naruto's Declassified**

_School Survival Guide_

**----6----**

_-Smack!-_

"Ow!"

"Tch!"

"Eh?"

"What the big idea?.!" Kiba scowled as he nursed his abused head, turning around.

"You and you"—Naruto accusingly pointed at the two brunettes—"ditched me completely! Right when I needed you guys to bail me out!"

"Sorry man but we gotta save our own asses first before savin' yours."

"'tch, so bothersome."

"I see how it is." Naruto narrowed blue eyes as he crossed his arms.

"Huh?" Ino was completely lost. What the heck happened when she was off admiring the greatest being on Earth? Stepping aside and gesturing for the camera to follow suit, Ino left the three boys. Pale blue irises stared quizzically into the lens. "Do you know what're they talking about? 'Cause I don't have the slightest clue what they're talking about." Then, as if the camera insulted her, she glared indignantly. "Well, it wasn't completely **my** fault that I wanted to have an interest in my love life unlike those three! I'm a **girl**, in case you've forgotten.Harrumph!" That said, Ino whipped around, intent on returning to her friends, her long pony-tailed platinum hair smacking the camera.

----

**Tip #39:** If you're a guy and one of your best friend is a girl, don't take it to the heart when she doesn't really care if she's in the same class as you or not—especially when she's crushing on the King of the Jerks and doing everything in her power to get his attention.

Of course, she'll come around...Eventually.

----

"Anyways, what are your scheds like, guys?" Kiba slung an arm around the shorter blond as if to say 'let bygones be bygones.' "Hmm?"

"Uh, I got Science, Math, English, Lunch, History, Gym and Life Sciences." Naruto had to take out his schedule since he had obviously forgotten.

"Dude, you shittin' me? I'll only have **two** classes with you: Gym, and Life Sciences, man! My sched's History, English, Science, Lunch, Math, Gym, and Life Sciences!"

"What?.! No way! And you Shika? Ino?" Kiba and Naruto apparently didn't take notice of Ino's short absence but Shikamaru did. Of course, said brunette thought it was too much trouble to say anything, and beside, it wasn't like the other two was going to miss her all that much in that short amount of time.

Shikamaru exhaled a burdensome sigh, "You can read can't you?" He shoved the paper before the other two's eyes and even that was making him tired.

"Science, Math, English, Lunch, Life Sciences, Gym, and History," The other brunette and blond read aloud in unison.

"Hey, hey, Shika's in my first three classes! Awesome! Think I can copy off you?"

"'Tch," A roll of dark pair of eyes.

"Well, I got History, Science, Math, Lunch, Life Sciences, English and Gym." Ino shrugged. She didn't really mind. Actually, she was looking forward for this year. After all, Ino needed to hang out with her kind—the girls—and do things girls do. Of course, the platinum blonde wouldn't honestly wholly forget her best friends. She just needed best girl friends to chat up on Sasuke Uchiha and then plan her rivals' demise. Yeah, that's it. Sasuke Uchiha...

"Aw, then that means we'll all see each other at Lunch" Naruto pouted as Kiba mockingly patted his head in comfort. Was he the only one disappointed? You see, the four had the same classes with each other since Middle School. He had hoped this year will be another year of being Uchiha-less. Four years running without the prick, the blond prayed his luck will keep on going strong. "Hope the bastard's not in our class."

"Yeah," Kiba nodded. However Naruto and Kiba shrunk under Ino's intensifying glare.

The bell cheerily rang, signaling that the students should report to their first class which was also their Homeroom.

"See you guys." The quartet waved at each other and headed off.

----

**Tip # 27: **Never ever jinx anything because the **exact **opposite will happen. Remember to knock on wood if you should ever jinx anything.

----

Chattering a one-sided conversation with Shikamaru, Naruto stopped short before the camera after entering the classroom. The blond mouthed, 'Oh **hell** no. **Hell no**.''

The camera then slowly turned around to the innards of the classroom, zooming in on each student's face until it paused. In the corner of the back row sat Sasuke Uchiha, crowded with annoying fan girls.

It seemed as if Naruto's luck of being Uchiha-less ran out.

'Dammit, I forgot to knock on wood!'

The camera was now focusing on a hyperventilating petit blond with the lazy brunette rolling his eyes in exasperation prior to tugging the other to sit down after dragging said being down the row.

Once sense had knocked into Naruto, he immediately whipped around to face Shikamaru. "What is **he** doing here?.!" It wasn't all that difficult to figure who the 'he' was in this equation. And it also didn't help that the subject in question was sitting directly two rows behind him.

"How should I know?" The asked being shrugged as he settled himself into his seat. "It's not like I give out the roster."

You see, 'Naruto Uzumaki' plus 'Sasuke Uchiha' times 'being in the same class' equals 'earthquakes and volcanoes' to the second power...Or something to that, anyways. But you get the idea.

Now that's not a pretty sight, now is it?

...Didn't think so.

Naruto childishly frowned at his best friend's typical response though he was a bit startled at the camera's sudden intrusion upon his personal space. Cocking a blond eyebrow up in silent query, Naruto then rolled his eyes as he waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "Geez, you guys are sure nosy!"

The camera panned back out to include the now currently slumbering brunette into the scene.

"The bastard's a bastard, no questions asked." Naruto shrugged. "It's only natural to hate 'im, y'know?"

The camera then switched over to the dubbed 'bastard', who scowled unhappily at the flock of girls he attracted.

The class's teacher was apparently in a brief meeting, so they had a sub for the time being. It seemed that Homeroom/Science class had passed fairly smoothly if Naruto didn't crossed path with the Uchiha. However, when they did, sparks of animosity flew like crazy. Then there's the fact that the blond reconnected with an old friend, Shino. Somehow it didn't look surprising that insect-loving teen had Science for first period.

Leaving his seat to greet Shino, he stood nearby the other's desk. "Shino! Long time no see!" Naruto happily exclaimed as he slapped the other's back while Shikamaru simply and lazily waved from his seat. Shino sat only a seat away from the blond.

"Yeah..." Shino grunted a bit displeased at the smack.

"Hey, hey," the blond suddenly dropped his loud voice to a mere whisper. Shino raised a questioning brow, though it was lost since he was wearing dark circular sunglasses. "Can I copy your work? 'Cause, y'know, if I copy Shika's, the teacher's gonna know."

Naruto was met with silence; however that was broken when a shadow loomed over the trio.

"What is this?" The camera zoomed in on the speaker, revealing an ashy face with glinting gold eyes before returning to the trio.

"GYAHH!!" The petit blond cried out, scrambling backwards on his desk. Shikamaru sighed as he rolled his eyes, snuggling deeper in his make-shift pillow of his arms, while Shino slightly stiffen in his seat.

"That was uncalled for. Shall I have you meet me after school for detention on the first day of school?" The teacher hissed through a grin.

Naruto was quick to respond, "N-no thank you!"

"Too bad...and here I thought we could be better acquainted."

A smooth voice from the back of the class spoke aloud, "And you are...?"

"Your homeroom Science teacher, Orochimaru-sensei," he wickedly grin as the camera zoomed in the raven-haired teen.

**----6----**

Somehow, this chapter seems a bit 'meh' to me but then again, most of what I typed was a long time ago. Ah, oh well. I initially wanted to make this chapter longer, but was unable to chug out anything else. Hmm, maybe I'll do about 1,500 words for each chapter. Quicker updates that way, eh?

At any rate, I'll say this now: It's a highly **likely chance** that this fanfiction will **be a** **shounen-ai/shoujo-ai** type of fanfiction, since...well, I usually write them. ;) One of the reviewers brought it up, and I thought I'd clarify it. I tend to check out reviewer's bio when I'm bored and/or need inspiration, so **some of you may disapprove of it**. _I don't care._

---C & C much appreciated. Flames can be used to keep my bonfire alive---

**Check out my LiveJournal for updates on my works and future works. ;)**

virtualshadow . livejournal . com (or just check out my ff's profile for the link)

Remove the spaces. D


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